Get the hand of God

Learn how to finger a woman properly and she'll be putty in your hands

Man of the cloth

"Double the delight by leaving her clothes on for as long as possible and stroke her clitoris through her knickers," says Emily Dubberley, author and radio presenter on sex. This will build the excitement and it will be a huge turn on when you finally do push aside the material to touch naked flesh. "Before you even think about pushing her knickers aside, try cupping the whole vulva and gently apply even, circular pressure and try placing your first and middle fingers in between her labia lips lengthways and vibrating them in a gentle scissor motion, for an extra thrill".

Fastest finger first

If she isn't wet, she's never going to be wild. "Test how lubricated she is by gently running one finger along the crease of her labia lips," explains Dubberley. Everything from the pill to the position of the moon can affect how wet she is. "If she is a little dry doesn't mean she's not turned on. Get her to suck your fingers: it should help make her extra wet by combining the phallic thrill of simulating oral sex and will also give you a lubricated digit to insert".

The hips have it

Why wear yourself out when she can do most of the work? "Pay attention to the position of her hips as she grinds against you. This is her way of telling you where she wants you to concentrate and how much pressure she requires," says Dr Pam Spurr, psychologist and author of Sinful Sex. "How quickly and how urgently she grinds against your hand are your guide to the pressure and speed she's after." Follow her lead to work out what she wants.

Tickle her fancy

"Does your woman prefer to have slow, exaggerated sex, or bounce up and down on you like a bunny?" asks Dr Pam Spurr. " If it's the latter, then G spot stimulation may be beneficial in the orgasm department, as she's clearly into deep penetration," says Spurr. You'd be best served to position yourself in front of her vagina (that is, spread her legs open and kneel in between them). That way, you can keep your hand straight and ensure that your finger(s) is (are) going in deep enough to stimulate her G spot. She'll let you know when you're hitting the right spot, and the neighbours will probably get a good idea, too.

Digital love

Two fingers are better than one, and not just when you're divvying up the KitKats. Sit between her legs with the palm of your hand facing down. Insert your fingers all the way in, then turn your hand so that your palm is facing up and come out. Repeat it as often as necessary until she reaches orgasm. "For an extra thrill, turn your hand so that your palm faces up and tap her clitoris with your thumb each time", says Dubberley. As she gets closer to climax, don't feel obliged to speed up. Slow and steady wins hands down (and up, and down again).

The golden rule

"Don't change technique, especially when she's heading straight for the "Woweeeee" stage," says Dr Spurr. Show off your tricksy range of sleight of hand and you'll seem about as sexy as Paul Daniel. And like an hour in the company of the pint-sized conjurer, it will probably result in a lot of rage and frustration. "The absolute, unbreakable rule is to keep to one method - it is guaranteed to work at this point. So think one method. One speed and keep things wet". It's like long distance swimming, only with a lot more orgasms...

Sexual Health Inventory for Men

Men, this five-question quiz will help you determine whether you should consult your doctor for erectile dysfunction, a condition in which you can't get or keep an erection long enough to have sexual intercourse.

1. How do you rate your confidence that you could get and keep an erection?

1: Very low
2: Low
3: Moderate
4: High
5: Very high

2. When you had erections with stimulation, how often were your erections hard enough for penetration (entering your partner)?

0: No sexual activity
1: Almost never or never
2: A few times (much less than half the time)
3: Sometimes (about half the time)
4: Most times (much more than half the time)
5: Almost always or always

3. During sexual intercourse, how often were you able to maintain your erection after you had penetrated (entered) your partner?

0: Did not attempt intercourse
1: Almost never or never
2: A few times (much less than half the time)
3: Sometimes (about half the time)
4: Most times (much more than half the time)
5: Almost always or always

4. During sexual intercourse, how difficult was it to maintain your erection to completion of intercourse?

0: Did not attempt intercourse
1: Extremely difficult
2: Very difficult
3: Difficult
4: Slightly difficult
5: Not difficult

5. When you attempted sexual intercourse, how often was it satisfactory for you?

0: Did not attempt intercourse
1: Almost never or never
2: A few times (much less than half the time)
3: Sometimes (about half the time)
4: Most times (much more than half the time)
5: Almost always or always

What’s your score?
Add the numbers associated with your five answers. If your score is 21 or lower, consider speaking with your doctor.

Copyright: Pfizer 1998

The Little Blue Pill ... Plus Other Impotence Options

Their sex drive might hold steady, but as men get older, their erection is less likely to always rise to the occasion when called upon.

More than half of all men over 40 — an estimated 30 million American men — suffer to some extent from erectile dysfunction (ED), the consistent or recurrent inability to get or keep a penile erection sufficient for sexual intercourse. To determine whether you suffer from ED, see Sexual Health Inventory for Men.

The Food and Drug Administration has approved three drugs to bring on an erection when a man is sexually stimulated: Viagra, Levitra and Cialis.

Three in Stiff Competition
Viagra (generic name sildenafil) made its sexual splash in 1998 and has become popularly known as the "little blue pill." The first-ever erectile dysfunction drug and its 2003-approved competitor Levitra (vardenafil) take effect in about 30 minutes and can last about four and five hours, respectively.

A pill for impotence is a dream-come-true for so many men, says Irwin Goldstein, professor of urology and gynecology at Boston University School of Medicine's Institute for Sexual Medicine. "Through the millennia it has been man's dream: take a pill and get a better erection."

Cialis (tadalafil), approved like Levitra in 2003, stays in the bloodstream much longer than the others, between 24 and 36 hours. The makers call its longer-lasting effects a major advantage, touting the spontaneity factor that its shorter-window competitors don't allow.

Right for You?
Clinical studies have shown Viagra, Levitra and Cialis to be similar in effectiveness — about 75 percent of men can expect to be helped, by one estimate, though the drugs often fail to help those whose impotence is caused by prostatectomy surgery to remove all or part of their prostate. Viagra absorption may be slowed by consumption of food, especially fatty food.

Before taking any of these drugs, men should tell their doctor about:

• Allergies to any drugs
• Any medical conditions they have and medications they are taking, including prescription, nonprescription and dietary supplements. One drug of particular concern is nitroglycerin or a long-acting nitrate for angina (chest pain), which can cause dangerously low blood pressure in combination with Viagra or Levitra
• Plans to have dental or any other kind of surgery

It's possible that all or none of these three options will work for a particular man. Side effects aren't common but can include headache, upset stomach, flushing, nasal congestion, back pain in the case of Cialis, and blue color-distorted vision from Viagra. Call your doctor for severe or long-lasting forms of these symptoms, or if you experience rash, painful erection, prolonged erection, fainting, chest pain, or itching or burning during urination.

The popular conception that Viagra-type drugs cause heart attack is not supported by the evidence. Older men suffering from impotence, though, may be susceptible to heart attack from physical activity — including sexual activity — that causes extra strain on the body.

Say This to Her After Sex

Just because you've treated your girl to a good time in the sack doesn't mean your job is done (sorry, buddy!). While basking in the afterglow, engaging her in some thoughtful pillow talk will benefit both of you...and it won't take a ton of effort. Try these sexy phrases.

"That was amazing."
You know the boot-knockin' was great, and deep down, she knows it too. Still, she wants to hear you say just how un-freakin'-believable it was. "Women feel performance anxiety too, so she needs reassurance that she's skilled in bed," explains sexologist Gabrielle Morrissey, Ph.D., author of A Year of Spicy Sex. "The more positive feedback she gets from you, the more sexually confident and enthusiastic she'll be in the future."

"Wow, your body is so sexy."
While singing her praises, play up her hotness as well. "It's always a good idea to let your girlfriend know how sexy you think she is, but it's especially important after intercourse," says sex columnist Josey Vogels, author of Bedside Manners. "Intercourse can cause a woman to feel vulnerable and exposed, so praising her beautiful stomach or butt will boost her confidence and make her feel more comfortable naked."

"How are you doing?"
Okay, it's obvious that you guys can't stand those probing, penny-for-your-thoughts questions. That's why she'll be über-impressed if you turn the tables — even if it's just for half a minute. "After sex, she feels more bonded to you, so checking in with her feeds her need to connect," explains Vogels. "When you instigate the dialogue, it shows that you really care about her as a person, not just about getting it on." Sure, it's kind of like slow torture, but on the bright side, your short after-sex convo will have fulfilled your "deep talk" quota for at least 24 hours.

"So, uh, what's your name again?"
We know what you're thinking: Are you people crazy? But hear us out. Clearly, you don't want to use this line on a girl you just met, but if you bust it out on a woman you've been with for a while, she'll get a good laugh. "Sex is supposed to be fun, not something to take seriously all the time," says Morrissey. "By making a silly joke after sex, you're bringing playfulness and humor into your lust life." Not only will your wisecrack lighten the mood, but it also will make you feel more bonded because it shows you can get intensely sexual, then truly let loose together.

Turn your sex life on

Sometimes your sex life needs fine-tuning. Get your revs here

Set the scene

Make sure you're not interrupted by turning off all phones and drawing the curtains. While you're at it, turn up the heating, get the candles out and prepare romantic CDs. "You might feel cheesy, but that'll wear off very quickly," says sex therapist Phillip Hodson.

Hold back

Don't dive straight in if you want to impress. "Test yourself and see how long you can hold back for, while kissing and massaging her," Hodson advises. And that means focusing on non genital places like the arms, legs, breasts and neck. Feel free to tease her by kissing all around the genitals. Hers.

Say it loud

There's a biological connection between loud noise and sex. A small part of your ear called the sacculus is stimulated by loud noises and sends a signal to your brain's pleasure centre. So, instead of whispering sweet nothings, say them nice and loud.

Use your fingers

When stroking your partner, don't move up and down her body in straight lines. "Use wavy lines and irregular strokes so the nerves haven't got a clue what's going to happen next and will become much more excited," says Lou Paget, author of How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure.

Get on top

When touching her breasts, don't just go for the nipple. Scientists from Vienna University blindfolded 150 women and pricked their breasts with pins. They found that the upper breast (from nine o'clock to three o'clock) is the most sensitive area. Surprisingly, the nipple itself was the least sensitive part.

Switch positions

If you're having trouble holding back the floodwaters, move around.

A recent study from the University of New Brunswick in the US found that men who had greater ejaculatory control often changed positions during sex. So work your way through 'The Kama Sutra', or try the last page of this article.

Float like a butterfly

Here's how to give her the ultimate oral thrill. Stroke her clitoris with long then short strokes until she's 80% 'there'. Next, with circular motions, stimulate the outside of it with your tongue until she1s back to 50% there, at which point you slip your index finger into her vagina and tap two inches inside the front wall. Keep going.

Why guys shouldn't be intimidated by vibrator

The old-fashioned vibrators were pretty scary: Ten inches long with lifelike veins and made of a squishy, horrible material that made them alarmingly penislike ‑- except much bigger and much longer and much wider and ohmigod, is that what women really want? The answer is no. Then why were they created that way? Because those sex toys were designed by men ‑- men who, sadly, didn't have any idea of what turns women on.

Fast-forward to the 21st century: Now, most successful vibrator lines are heavily influenced by women ‑- and the first thing you'll notice is that most aren't even penis shaped. They're designed to stimulate the clitoris, which is outside the vagina, rather than for penetration. Yes, the "Rabbit," made famous by Sex and the City, is a firm favorite, but many women just turn it around to use the clitoral stimulator instead of inserting it.

The reason? Well, brace yourself guys, but only 20 to 30 percent of women can orgasm purely through penetration (without clitoral stimulation). In other words, your thrusting in and out alone probably isn't going to make the earth move for her. That means one of you usually has to use your fingers to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse, which is harder than it sounds. It's awkward: Your hand gets cramped, and it's hard to maintain the gentle, consistent pressure the clitoris needs when your hand is being pushed by the thrusting motion.

The solution is a vibrator. One of you simply holds it against the clitoral area during intercourse and voila: an orgasm during penetration. This takes the pressure off men considerably; it doesn't matter if the erection is a bit wobbly (and, yes, all men experience this at some point for various reasons) because she's going to orgasm anyway. I need to quickly add here that almost all women enjoy intercourse without clitoral stimulation for its own sake ‑- she's not just pretending to like it. It's just that it's difficult for us to orgasm from that alone.

There's another very good reason why you should encourage your partner to own a vibrator and not see it as threatening or as a "replacement penis." Simply put, women who own vibrators tend to have more orgasms than women who don't. The more orgasms your partner has, the more her body wants. So she's more likely to want frequent sex if she owns a vibrator than if she doesn't.

Lots of vibrators these days are partner friendly as well. The idea isn't to chuck them into the bedside drawer but to use them together. She can use one to stimulate your perineum (the smooth, hairless bit between your scrotum and bottom) or your testicles. And lots of guys love it when a woman holds one against the side of her mouth while giving them oral sex. So there you have it: nothing to worry about and everything to gain!

101 Sex Tricks to Try Before You Die

Recommended by carnally creative men and women, some of that are hot how-tos, while others recount sizzling booty experiences

1. On a hot night, lick the salt off each other's sweaty bodies.
2. Take a steamy shower together…but with the lights out.
3. Stay silent all through the action and just listen to your breathing.
4. Make missionary sex more passionate by wrapping your feet around his lower legs and ankles and pulling up toward him as he thrusts downward.
5. Spooning has a tame rep, but it's incredibly hot: I can get really deep, play with my girl's breasts, and feel her backside buck against my hips. It's total-body pleasure.
6. Sit on his lap totally naked…except for boots. Cowboy boots, stiletto boots, motorcycle boots, whatever — they're so powerful and sexy.
7. The perfect oral-sex technique: Pretend his hard-on is an ice cream cone that's melting quickly. You have to keep licking at different angles, swirling the melting drops upward and putting your entire mouth around the scoop on top.
8. Hold his arms over his head during woman-on-top and nibble the skin between his armpit and elbow.
9. Try standing-up-against-a-balcony sex. There's a reason this booty style is a staple of every porno flick and X-rated photo spread.
10. I went out with this chick who capped off an oral-sex session by licking the area between my balls and shaft. It was out of this world. In seconds, I was hard all over again.
11. Lie naked against your man, your back to his chest, and encourage him to whisper all of his dirty desires to you.
12. Have him undress you slowly and take the time to kiss and caress each body part as it comes into view.
13. Get your guy to skip the in-and-out thrusts and ask him to "stir" with his penis. He'll stimulate every steamy inch of you.
14. Put a little bit of lubricant on your hands and intertwine your fingers. Then grip your man's penis with your palms, and move your hands up and down his shaft.
15. Let me know you're not wearing panties by taking my hand and placing it under your skirt.
16. Just as I reach peak, pump my balls in your hand in time with the contractions of my orgasm.
17. Have your guy lie on top of you and enter you from behind, then close your legs so his legs are outside of yours. It's the perfect position for G-spot stroking.
18. Pull off the road and find a secluded spot, then get busy in the car. It's even hotter if you can hear the traffic, because you feel like you might be caught at any moment.
19. Turn on a fan while rubbing him down with ice cubes. The fan makes the ice feel extracold against his skin, and when you put your mouth on his body, he'll get goose bumps from the sudden shivery sensation.
20. Command your man to remain still during doggie-style, and move your butt in slow circles.
21. Hold my hands gently while you're doing me in woman-on-top. It's another way for me to feel all the incredible sexual energy coursing through your body.
22. Have your man caress your clitoris with his ring finger, which is less likely to feel as rough or rigid as his index or middle finger.
23. Right before I enter you doggie-style, spread your legs as far as you can and reach behind so you pull your cheeks apart.
24. Do me in my office on company time. I know it's cliché, but every day that I spend sitting at my desk, it crosses my mind at least 20 times.
25. While your guy is giving you oral sex, take his hand and show him how to stroke you at the same time.
26. There's this yoga pose my girl does when we're having woman-on-top sex: She sits on her folded legs and leans over so her breasts rest on her knees, her arms stretched out in front of her. Her grip is so tight, I see stars.
27. Get your guy to kiss your V zone the way he'd kiss your mouth, massaging his lips against it rather than using his tongue to stimulate you. The softer touch is a lot more arousing.
28. Ride him reverse-cowgirl style while he grips your ankles.
29. Every guy. no matter how old he is, secretly fantasizes about playing student to a mature, more experienced teacher. Suggest this role-playing game one night and you'll make his high-school dream come true.
30. Take oral sex one step further by cupping my family jewels in your mouth one at a time.
31. Put on a little show for me with your thong by bending over and sliding it up and down between your cheeks.
32. You know that soft spot where my neck meets my hairline? Sit behind me, and run your tongue along it.
33. While we twist the sheets, pull the cups of your bra down just enough so that your nipples peek out.
34. Open your legs wide so your guy can go deep. Bring them together… then spread them again. Constantly shifting the position of your legs will switch up the sensations your guy experiences.
35. Do it stretched out on the couch. The smaller space makes you feel so contained, like you're melded together.
36. Get a Brazilian bikini wax, then torture your guy by straddling his chest and telling him he can look… but not touch.
37. Don't just show up in bed in a sexy new piece of lingerie — model it for me. It's not the garment that gets me but the way it clings to your curves.
38. Let your guy know what feels good during sex by digging your nails into his skin when he hits all the right spots.
39. I'm not keen on asking for directions, so when I go down on you, just put your hands on my head and guide me like you're steering a car.
40. When you're on top and you can sense your guy is ready to blow, lean forward and treat him to a full-on mouth kiss. The sensation of your tongue pulsing in his mouth will mimic what's going on down below.
41. Lean over me and let your nipples graze my lips. Then pull back a bit so I can watch them get hard.
42. Instead of pleasing each other simultaneously during 69, let's take turns: One person goes to town while the other groans and moans about how good it feels.
43. You know how you put lotion on your body every a.m. before getting dressed? One morning, hand me the bottle and let me spread some across your calves, thighs…everywhere.
44. Come to bed in old-fashioned bikini panties — the kind with the satiny fabric that clings to your cheeks and makes your legs look long and sleek.
45. Hold my penis like a joystick: your fist wrapped around the base and your thumb pumping the ridge on the underside where the head and the shaft meet. That spot is like a blast-off trigger.
46. E-mail me the URL of an X-rated Web site that contains words or pictures that really make you tingle.
47. Instead of propping one leg on each of my shoulders during missionary, keep your legs together and put them both on one shoulder. I can hold them for leverage and get inside you so deep.
48. The faster you bounce up and down during woman-on-top, the more your breasts will jiggle…a sight that I live for.
49. I'm all about the urgency of sex. So instead of telling me how you like to be touched, say "This is how I need to be touched." Then treat me to a demonstration.
50. Start off a long, lazy lovemaking session by leaving a trail of soft, wet kisses from the side of my neck up to my earlobe.
51. Wet his finger and trace it along the underside of your breast. The skin here is thinner and more responsive.
52. In the middle of reverse cowgirl, lean all the way over and put your mouth around my big toe. Sounds crazy, but it'll make me explode.
53. You know how we sometimes stay in and have movie night? Surprise me by making it porno movie night.
54. Massage my manhood with your silkiest panties. Every so often, put your lips on the side and blow against the cool, sensual fabric.
55. Knead your fingertips into my backside as you give me oral.
56. When we're both home just chilling out, go in the other room and call my cell. Get me all hot and bothered with dirty talk…then appear in the doorway and finish off our phone-sex session in real time.
57. Spread baby oil all over your breasts before we get busy.
58. Have your guy place his penis against your V zone. Slide up and down it several times so he experiences how wet you are without being inside you.
59. One night, tell him in explicit detail about the sexiest move he's ever made and how fired up it got you.
60. After a shower, get him to take you from behind while you're leaning over the bathroom sink and looking in the fogged-up mirror.
61. As you drive home from a night out, place your man's hand between your legs and allow him to play with you all the way home. The more you converse and behave as if nothing is going on, the more exciting it is for him.
62. Let me climax on your body. I know you think it's nasty, but you can't imagine how much I get off on it.
63. One night, while we were out to dinner with her parents, my girl slid her camera phone between her legs, took a photo, and texted it to me. When I checked my cell before dessert, I almost blew a gasket.
64. Have sex on a swing. That weightless, flying feeling will get more than your adrenaline pumping.
65. Making intercourse the finish line can get repetitive. I like to turn oral sex into the main event: I tell my fiancé to lie back on the bed, then I lick him from his belly button all the way down to his balls and back, again and again.
66. Treat me to oral when I'm sitting up. I want to be able to watch you while you're making me feel so good.
67. When I'm really about to climax and the skin on my shaft is craving a rough feel, wrap your hands around the base and twist in opposite directions.
68. Wake up 15 minutes before I do so when I open my eyes, there's a good chance I'll catch you slipping into your panties as you get dressed for work.
69. Turn off the AC or crank up the heat. Sweaty sex is just so primal and animalistic.
70. Give me a play-by-play on how close to orgasm you are so I know exactly when I'll feel you clamp down and pulse against my manhood.
71. Lick along my cut lines — the creases that separate my thighs from my torso. (But don't let your tongue go any further.) They're a surprisingly hot erogenous zone on their own.
72. Hit the sheets with your hair pinned on top of your head, then undo the barrette and let it flow loose.
73. Do it somewhere really wild — an amusement park ride, a taxi, in the bathroom at a pal's party. It may not be the most orgasmic sex ever, but the novelty of it will be thrilling.
74. Most dudes tend to turn sex into a sprint that's all about the final big bang. But if you take things really slow, he'll be able to feel every itty-bitty stroke and lick.
75. Let me watch you play with yourself…from behind.
76. Wear sheer thigh-high stockings, then stand over me naked and let me roll them off one leg at a time.
77. Once I was giving my boyfriend oral sex when I got this idea about pressing a vibrator to the small of his back. The two sensations together were so intense, they practically propelled him out of bed.
78. Wear a supershort denim miniskirt — the kind bad girls always wore when I was growing up. Then be a bad girl by taking my hand when I least expect it and letting me feel your wetness.
79. If you get me to lie down on the bed and rest my legs on your shoulders while you go down on me, I'll feel way more open to sensation.
80. Let me run my manhood up and down your butt cleavage.
81. Have him flick his tongue against your clitoris through panties. The indirect stimulation is hotter than if he were touching you tongue to skin.
82. One rainy day, let's call in sick and vow to set our very own sex record, doing the deed as often as we can.
83. When we're out in public and it would be totally impossible to get away for a quickie, brush your fingers over the outside of my jeans. Do it a few times to realty get a rise out of me.
84. Before we get busy, do a little belly dance for me. I just can't get enough of the way your hips shake.
85. Take a cake-icing tube and draw a circle around my package. Bull's-eye.
86. Wear one of those corset-style bras with the zillion strings I've been seeing around this summer and ask me to untie it. As my frustration builds, so will my desire for you.
87. With my friends nearby, grab my butt, make out with me, and smile at me suggestively. I want them to really envy the fact that you're with me.
88. When I come home from work, my jaw will drop if I find you sprawled out naked on my bed, centerfold-style. Bonus points if you pretend that you have no idea why I'm so turned on.
89. After a night of romantic lovemaking, follow up with a session of down-and-dirty sex. Think four-letter words, leather instead of satin, and props like handcuffs. He'll feel like he's gotten busy with a different chick both nights.
90. Look into my eyes during the deed. The emotional connection is amazing.
91. Tell me that you absolutely have to have me right this second. Don't wait for me to respond, just pounce.
92. In the middle of intercourse, I'll whisper to my guy that the neighbors are watching us. It's not true and he knows it, but the idea that other people might be glimpsing us kicks our lust up a notch or two.
93. Rather than licking my manhood with the flat of your tongue, roll your tongue in a tube around just the tip of my penis and slide it in and out of your mouth.
94. Ask your man to sit on his hands, then treat him to a slo-mo, sensual lap dance. Don't allow him to touch you, but touch him everywhere with your nipples, hair, fingers, and toes.
95. Wherever I have body hair, the skin is super-receptive to touch. So lavish plenty of attention around my nipples, treasure trail, and belly button.
96. After we've both climaxed, let me get a washcloth so we can take turns sponging each other off.
97. Make sure your mouth is tense before you give me oral sex. The firm feel of your usually soft lips will send me through the roof.
98. This is tricky, but the sensations are out of this world: During missionary, move your hips in deliberate counter-clockwise circles, then ask your guy to move in clockwise motions.
99. Cut the fabric out of an old tee shirt so your nipples show through. I'll lend you an old one of mine if you don't want to mess up one of yours.
100. While you keep grinding against me slowly during woman-on-top, spread your lips with your fingers.

Let's stay in bed while we wind down from orgasm. I really love being so close to you, feeling your pulse slow down and listening to your heartbeat return to normal.

Postsex Thoughts
We polled hundreds of dudes on what pops into their heads postpassion. • 35%: "I hope she thought I was good." • 28%: "I just want to sleep." • 24%: "Did she really reach orgasm?" • 13%: "I'm hungry."